Reconstructing & Rebuilding
Hello to everyone reading this post! I thank you for taking the time to read my thoughts especially with life being so hectic and time consuming.
I wanted to take out time to speak about something that I personally have struggled with since I was a young age. There are so many of us who hide in the shadows afraid to be who we were created to become. I wanted to allow a deeper look into my life and speak on how I've overcame this struggle. This post as with all of my posts will be unapologetically honest.
Figuring out my purpose and loving myself entirely for who I am was always difficult for me to accept. I would hide my inner feelings, thoughts, and emotions. It was as if I was ashamed of being myself and loving me for me. I would always doubt myself even when I knew I had the skills to be successful with any tasks. I would question my own natural talents that I was born with. I never knew the reason why. It took a toll on everything that I did. My inner discouragement affected my relationships, friendships, and employments. I would find myself asking God, "Why am I continuing to have setback after setback? Why do every relationship end in similar ways? Why is my life not right?"
It was revealed to me that I am the source of every impacting situation I was involved in. I ignored every sign that was bestowed upon me with no remorse. What would make things worse was I would blame the ones who truly had my back. It took me to become an adult for me to understand why I've always been my biggest critic. My attitude, mentality, and overall ora was completely filled with pain, hurt, and grudges. I felt trapped inside of a life filled with trials, tribulations, and testimonies. I never let go of anything and kept it inside. It took me to go through enough heartbreaks for me to stop and take a hard look in the mirror. I knew that if I did not change quickly that I would always be miserable. I vowed that I would never ever allow my life to be that way. I then began my process of reconstructing & rebuilding.
I started to look in different places for God. I wanted to get closer to Him in anyway that I could. He then began to speak to me in ways I never imagined possible. I started to feel Him in my spirit and in my thoughts. Then one day it came to me, my calling was revealed. I was made to help others. Once this was shown to me I put all the pieces together. Now my daily goal is to inspire others everyday, even if I only help 1 person I know that I am doing God's work.
I started off as a confused woman with the only purpose of being a "wifey". I was lost with no sense of direction and have spent most of my 20's with that mentality. I thank God that now I know which direction to go. I am in the beginning of my journey and I know it'll take a lifetime to fulfill my calling. I am determined to be the best person I possibly can be. My life story has been a rocky ride and if I was weak minded I never would've survived. Every up and down moment I went through was worth it. I have never felt as at peace as I am now in my entire adult life. I know now where I came from, where I am presently and where I'm headed. Being able to be open and speak about personal occurrences is a big step for me. Day by day, I am becoming more confident in myself. I'm no longer ashamed to show off my passion for life. I am falling in love with me for the first time and loving the woman I am becoming.
Every person who has suffered in silence and shame needs to know that you are not alone. You are worthy of everything you seek. Don't ignore the signs that are placed in front of you. Learning your true self takes a deep connection. All you have to do is put forth the effort, believe in God's will and your true purpose will be revealed. Thanks for reading :)